| Happenings. |
[11th of August, 2009 at 10:39 pm] |
| [ | Mood? |
| |  anxious | ] |
It has been a while since I've written. I don't know why this is-- I used to really enjoy it! I would see the world through the eyes of an eager blogger, everything and everyone fodder for my inconsequential ramblings! Not lately, though. I don't know if I've lost my talent for writing ridiculous stuff and sitting around waiting for people to read it, or if I haven't had sufficient inspiration to fuel my furious fingers (that CANNOT be it... I have been furious, fingers and all, at least a half dozen times since the beginning of June), or if maybe, I just haven't found the time, AT the time, to share with the world what I'm thinking. It's no one's loss, however, because what I've thought hasn't been intelligent OR decent, and what I would've written would probably have followed suit.
It's hard to complain when I know people who are REALLY struggling, with the incredible and the mundane, but somehow, when reminded, when determined, or when very bored, I do find a way. Here it goes.
Living with my sister is a trying experience. No doubt, for us both. But for me more, obviously... :) To make a long, nasty, befuddling story short, I will probably be moving out sooner than originally anticipated, and the whole world will be happier for it. Prospective dates are in the Thanksgiving area. This will be possible because I have a job-- a real job, with real adult money, and real terrifyingly ambiguous responsibilities. It's kind of like... God's opening a window, on the fifth story of a rickety old office building... that happens to be on fire... in which all exits, doors or otherwise, (with the exception of said window), are blocked or burning.
But the important thing is... I have a job. Right?? Isn't that the important thing? I'm going to be teaching-- in one point five weeks. Middle school special ed math. I don't know what grade level. I don't know what level of special ed. I don't know whether I'll have a room (our building is under construction and last I saw, the "new wing" was really just a foundation and a bunch of metal beams) or whether I'll have a planning period or whether I'll have a professional development period. I'm kind of terrified. I'm the kind of person who likes to have her ducks in a row... in a timely manner, so as to minimize the number and frequency of inevitable new-job meltdowns. But I don't know which ducks are mine. I don't know where I'm supposed to be taking them. So I could put EVERYONE's ducks in all POSSIBLE rows, in an exercise more likely to result in information overload than necessary preparedness, or I could wait until they deem it appropriate to share with me my teaching assignment, from which point on I shall be flying by the seat of my inexperienced and anxiety-ridden pants... er... tail feathers. It's going to be a very interesting year. For a lot of people. Hours and hours of training is really only effective if it's pertinent to your duties. I've had lots of training. But I can't apply it, exactly, or not yet, because I don't know what the bejeebus they're going to be paying me the big teacher bucks to do. *twitch* I don't want to fail, and I don't want to be unprepared, and I don't want to be corrected (although all of these have to happen to an extent, or I'll never learn anything). It's... *twitch, twitch* all I think about. Which is proving to be unfortunate in many social situations.
My friends are few. I am "friends" with a million people (not quoted to insult, but because these are unconventional friendships)... no, not really. But many, many more than I actually see, talk to, and commiserate with on a regular or semi-regular basis. I would put the number of local, regular friends at three. And I'm dating one of them. So he doesn't count. I have Cat, who will be leaving me for the enormous trees, quaint (and all the more endearing) restaurants, and marital bliss that await her in Bloomington, IN. I have Chris, who is ultimately preoccupied with his krav maga ambitions and socialitis. Neither of these is a bad thing-- getting married is great! Mastering your hobby is amazing! But... the more I think about it, the more I realize how alone I'll be. I'll have Aka. And really, he is my best friend. That's how it's supposed to be. But he will be getting a job, and it may even take him out of state (for a while, at least)... so what will I do then? All I have to talk about with people is my job. I don't have any interesting hobbies. I don't have any quirky talents. I don't play any sports. I don't watch any sports. I can't remember the finer details of any given pop culture item (film, TV, music, internet, books, news, anything!) so I can't discuss any of it like a normal adult (because discussion requires a memory more functional than that of a goldfish). I'm so hopeless.
However, Aka's kitten of a year and a bit just had kittens of her own, and one of them will come and live with me. So together, Magellan (Maggie for short, as she is a girl!) the kitten and I shall be anti-social and wallow in our unfamiliar surroundings this fall. She's very curious and adventurous (hence her name), so I don't know how useful as a partner in self-pity she'll really be, but I will take what I can get. And perhaps between her being adorable and my new job of doom, there won't be much time for wallowing anyways. Pictures will eventually be on Facebook, because the kittens are a delight, as kittens tend to be.
I think I've touched on all the major points of curiosity, and the four primary subjects of any given LJ entry (family, job, friends and kittens) so I'm going to go to bed. Big New-Hire luncheon tomorrow. I have to wear a dress. Oof. |
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